I have a total new respect for my body.

Being pregnant, if I haven’t said so already 10,000,000 times, actually sucks. I am yet to find this whole “glowing” thing and “loving” being pregnant is like a unicorn… does it even exist? With this being said and all the crappy changes my body has gone through, I have a completely new respect for it.

Some will tout mind over matter, and they are sort of correct. The only way to get through pregnancy in a slightly sane manner is to set your mind to it and just keep swimming. However, your body does what is has to do regardless of what you think about it.

From crazy new acne breakouts to PSD (where your pelvis takes it upon itself to stretch open and in my case, hurt like a mother fucker), and from stretch marks to the worst bout of heartburn known to mankind, the body does what it has to do.

I bent down today to get a couple of cubes out of the freezer at work (after hobbling into the kitchen), I got my 5 cubes and tried to stand up. Holy Jesus, it was a workout. As a firefighter and a competitive lumberjack, this was especially disheartening. I couldn’t even get up from a crouching position without some serious effort. What the hell is wrong with me??

With this being said, it reminds me how awesome my body (former and current) really is. I could saw a log with ease, pull a 2 1/2 into a building, climb up a ladder, cut people out of cars, jump and skip and hop, dance… I could run up my stairs without having to stop and catch my breath after the third step… I could put my own shoes on for chissake! Now? I feel like a complete failure. I took all of those wonderful things (including the sheer fact I had energy-even just a bit of energy-to do them all) for granted. My body was awesome! Plus, looking at pictures where I thought I was fat (shout out to freshman year in college me), I looked damn good.

Now? I am cooking a human. A tiny little human is sucking the living life out of me and I love her with all my heart already. My body is sustaining another life besides my own. Sure, I have felt terrible that I can’t do much anymore, but with what my body is busy doing (seemingly whatever it feels like), I guess I shouldn’t complain. I know there are a ton of women who a. like being pregnant, b. are having an awesome pregnancy, and c. are completely different from me. However, there is no physical way I can get my lard-ass to the gym right now. I feel broken. But at 34 weeks (holy shit), I have been through a lot. I don’t have too much time left and even though I’ve absolutely hated my body throughout this process, I am pretty impressed by it. I am grateful that I can have a baby and that I’m not on bed rest, and that she is doing well so far. I have a lot of respect for myself and it even though it has taken me 34 weeks to realize it, I’m still pretty bad ass. This baby is going to be awesome, even though she will still own my body for another year-ish, we get to share it a little more fairly now. My former self was pretty cool, my current self (even with the excruciating daily pain) is pretty cool, and I can only hope that my respect for it will allow me to become stronger and healthy so that my future self is equally as cool as the last two stages.

To all the other expecting moms out there-you’re the shit. You were before, you are now, and you will be in the future. Don’t forget that.