Ok, ok! I have a riddle for you. Are you ready for this?
What is terrifying, exciting, and makes you puke?? I’ll give you another hint. Once you’ve started, you’re along for the ride whether you like it or not.
Did you just say a rollercoaster? Congratulations!
It is PREGNANCY!!
Yep. I am having a baby! There is a little miniature human growing inside of me at this very moment. We are very excited. Also scared shitless. And I am also sick as a dog. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of morning sickness (or in my case, mornings are great-no sickness! Oh wait, what’s that 1:00pm-BEDTIME? Blechhh!) I’ll fill you in. It is like having the flu (except change pissing out your behind to can’t poop to save your life) every day for months.
I am only about 9 weeks along so the cat is not out of the bag as far as my work and social life go. Immediate family and close friends know, but otherwise we are waiting till the end of the month to spill the beans. And man is it HARD to keep such a secret. With this being said, if you do know me personally, keep your mouth shut till the end of the month or ELSE. I want to shout it from the rooftop and write it in the sky! I am going to have a miniature version of myself running around in less than 9 months!! Plus I just wish people knew so they could have a tiny bit of sympathy for me. I do feel absolutely terrible and dead exhausted to boot.
As the Barely Domesticated Diva, I fully expect to have a completely undomesticated baby. So far it has lived up to such expectations and I lovingly refer to it as an alien wreaking havoc on my poor unassuming body. Along with the lovely morning sickness, I have been blessed by the pregnancy with CRAZY FUCKING HORMONES. Seriously. I am normally the nicest, most patient and pleasant person you are going to meet. However, this lovely little mass of rapidly growing cells has me in monster mode. It is like someone took the filter off. I am an angry, angry woman. I am also in the “I don’t care what you think, I am going to tell it like it is” phase. I even feel like I could be out to get you. But don’t worry. I am fairly good at curbing these terrifying desires to smash people’s faces in and run you off the road. So far so good.
Honesty is the best policy. Over the next few weeks, I plan on posting more. I can’t guarantee they are going to be the most pleasant and perky posts so if you do follow me (in which I am VERY grateful!!) please, I am warning you, follow at your own risk.
Hormonal pregnant lady out to eat the world here.