11 Weeks

 11 Weeks. Really not that much time if you think about it. However. If you’re pregnant and experiencing intense flu-like symptoms coupled with the worst PMS symptoms known to man (or woman), 11 weeks is eternity. The good news is that on Tuesday, I get to see our little munchkin. I am hoping beyond hope that it is hanging in there happily beating its tiny little heart. Also, I’m a little nervous because I did have a little too much caffeine this morning and I hope I didn’t make it go haywire, poor kid.

I will feel a LOT better after I see it’s little profile. It’s little arms and it’s little legs all curled up. I will feel so much better knowing that at that point in time, we have gotten through the most of it (as far as miscarriage risk). I will be happier, I’m hoping.

This entire time I have been a complete bear. I hate everyone and everything and this week, new symptom! Tears! I cry a lot. Or at least I want to cry a lot. Yesterday it snowed again and then rained on top of the snow. I was in the lab for 12 hours and went out to my car to find it completely cleared off from a coworker who left a few hours earlier. I used my super-sleuth skills and saw the little criss cross pattern of crampon-ice-friction-footies or whatever they are near my car. I started bawling. How nice! I was just so tired I could have cried if you said hello to me. Actually, when I called my mom, I did. I blubbered like a baby.

Unfortunately, my hubby does not help the case. He doesn’t know what to do with me. I think he thinks this terrible sickness and mood swings is completely made up-sort of like a wives tale. I beg to differ, my friend. He laughed at me when I started crying. Not a good idea. I am going to try to be nice to him, as he is my main punching bag, and get him a sub for dinner tonight. I really just don’t feel like cooking and I do feel a little guilty I’m being so horrible. On the other hand though, I have been SUCH a trooper about trying to continue on like normal. We really need to meet in the middle.

Also, my family has been absolutely fantastic. We bred dogs for a long time growing up and our bitch always got the royal treatment (with or without a litter, lucky bitch). For example, I had wonderful leftover steak tips from going out to dinner the night before and my dad insisted on giving them to the dog for her breakfast before I woke up and could protest. So, the good news is that I am now receiving this royal treatment. If I go over there house, I could just say “I’m hungry” and have an entire smorgasbord of food in front of me in less than a minute or “I’m cold” and have a blanket being tucked neatly around me as I am pet and fawned over. I. Am. Loving. It. They are more excited than anyone else, I think. This kid is going to make things interesting. I was always very close to my mom’s mom. She basically joint raised me with my own mom. I know it is going to be the same with my kid. Loving it!

I don’t have it too bad. I am just looking forward to the next trimester-and telling work! I can’t wait to be able to openly complain and hopefully get a little leniency. Even just a little bit. Like, hold the door for me and I will be happy-little bit.
Off to find something to settle my stomach.
-CC at 11 weeks, 1 day and still fairly miserable

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The P Card

I did it. Today I pulled the P card. The all and mighty PREGNANCY Card. Now, everyone always talks about how awesome it is to be pregnant. Ladies I know talk longingly of their pregnant days and how they miss them. I am yet to figure out what the hell they are talking about-though I was able to get a glimpse or at least what it is I THINK they are referring to.
In all honesty, I want to eat a meal without worrying if it is going to come back up in a half hour. I want to have a real poop. Actually, I just want to be able to poop! I want to not feel like a piece of crap a tractor ran over… Twice. Because we are waiting for 12 weeks to tell everyone the exciting news, I have had to keep a lot of my complaints to myself and pretend everything is just peachy. This is also exhausting. I think more strangers know I’m pregnant than people I actually know! So when the opportunity to use my pregnancy to my advantage arose today, I grabbed onto it with everything I had.
We stopped at McDonald’s after a late motorcycle club meeting to grab a bite before heading home. I just wanted a couple fries and to try a chocolate covered strawberry frappe from McDonald’s. Those damn commercials have got me thinking about them and now with the baby hormones I MUST have something I set my mind to. I ordered a small one and was SO excited to try this thing. To my horror-they couldn’t get the machine to work after trying. I was devastated. “We can refund you or maybe get you a strawberry shake?” Oh my god. Decisions. And no frappe? Worst thing ever. I couldn’t decide what I wanted because the thought everything else made me want to puke and I wanted to stay away from caffeine so I couldn’t think of any substitute. After debating all these things in my head, I cry “I’m pregnant!” And the lady pokes her head back in her window and turns around thoughtfully. Then she comes back and says “how bout I put the syrup and the chocolate chips in a McFlurry for you?” Oh my god YES!! She must be a mom. She gets that for me while the other workers actually get the frappe machine to work. Best thing ever! They gave me the McFlurry because they’d just chuck it and I got my frappe. I thanked them and then giggled that it worked out the way it did. The frappe was ok but I did taste the McFlurry and it was divine!! So that went into the freezer for tomorrow night.
I don’t want to think I’m creating a monster but THAT made the whole being pregnant thing not all that bad. Maybe that’s what everyone misses? Cause I can’t wait to not puke and poop like a normal person. Until then, I’m going to enjoy my custom McFlurry and secretly thank the McDonalds lady for being so awesome!!
Here’s to the P card!!

Angry Mama

In all honesty, I am a very nice person. I help little old ladies cross the street and save cats from trees (the last one is a total lie. I am yet to see a cat stuck in a tree. But you get the point). Seriously though, I have lots of patience and I am very loving. Until now.

Oh my God-I think there is a demon possessing my body! My poor husband! Just yesterday we had a nice little snowstorm up here in the Northeast. For whatever reason, it was imperative for me to go to work yesterday in my lovely rental go-cart and so I began my trek with cleaning off the car. I am renting a Mazda 5 mom-mobile and it requires a lot of cleaning off. There was a snow brush next to the door and I brushed and scraped my car. My husband was home still waiting to hear if he had to go to work and instead of doing it for me or HELPING me… he watched from inside. My devil horns began to grow. “Whatever!” I mumbled and brushed off the rest of the car like a maniac.

I then proceeded to get in the car with the brush, clearly needing it for the inches of snow I would have to clear off after work, and began to back out of the driveway. My husband, seeing I was stealing the coveted snow brush, came out on the porch waving his arms and flapping around like there was a fire. I stopped, rolled down my window, and cry “WHAT!?” He yells back, “How am I supposed to clean my truck off?!” Seriously, dude? The four feet of windshield you have? How do you think I clean my car off? Right! With my hands!

I threw the car in park and rolled my window down further. I then threw the snow brush like a spear out the window at his truck, rolling my window back up, and backing out of the driveway. Then the thought came over me “Duh, you are going to need that, still!” and so I threw it in drive, went back into my driveway, hopped out of the car, and picked up the spear-snow brush, effectively stealing it back from him as he watched, jaw dropped, from the porch. Backed up again and sped off. Actually, I would have sped off if I wasn’t in a rental go-cart and just spun in place for a few moments like a cartoon character trying to take off running.

These types of outbursts and angry behavior are a common occurrence. I am now 10x more likely to become a crazy person and throw things, smash something, or kick something or someone. It is insanity!

I simply pinched my middle finger between the shelf and the wastebasket while sliding it back into the closet. Instead of the normal “ouch” and continue on my merry way, I let out a blood curdling “MOTHER FUCKER!!!” and then kicked the trashcan with all my might, continuing to curse the living daylights out of the thing. My husband just happened to be on the phone at the time and asked what was wrong… what happened… are you ok… Ok Mr. Million Questions!! I AM FINE! I HURT MY MOTHER FUCKING FINGER! THE GODDAMN FUCKING TRASHCAN FUCKING SMASHED MY FUCKING FINGER! NO I AM NOT OK! IT FUCKING HURTS GODDAMN IT!!

But it was oddly satisfying and slightly relieved the immense anger overpowering my every thought and move. Clearly, a simple “Ouch!” would have sufficed, but I just gotta go that extra mile.
Please, for the love of God, let this be a first trimester thing. Because stuff is going to get broken and people are going to get hurt. I feel like a werewolf trying not to turn into a werewolf during the full moon… it is almost impossible.

So, for now, I would like to request everyone stay away-far away-from me. And I would also like to issue a public apology for my absolutely insane antics that are making their way to the surface right now.

Save yourself.

Yours,

Angry Mama

 

Barely Domesticated Whaaat??

Ok, ok! I have a riddle for you. Are you ready for this?

What is terrifying, exciting, and makes you puke?? I’ll give you another hint. Once you’ve started, you’re along for the ride whether you like it or not.

Did you just say a rollercoaster?  Congratulations!

You’re wrong.

It is PREGNANCY!!

Yep. I am having a baby! There is a little miniature human growing inside of me at this very moment. We are very excited. Also scared shitless. And I am also sick as a dog. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of morning sickness (or in my case, mornings are great-no sickness! Oh wait, what’s that 1:00pm-BEDTIME? Blechhh!) I’ll fill you in. It is like having the flu (except change pissing out your behind to can’t poop to save your life) every day for months.

 

I am only about 9 weeks along so the cat is not out of the bag as far as my work and social life go. Immediate family and close friends know, but otherwise we are waiting till the end of the month to spill the beans. And man is it HARD to keep such a secret. With this being said, if you do know me personally, keep your mouth shut till the end of the month or ELSE. I want to shout it from the rooftop and write it in the sky! I am going to have a miniature version of myself running around in less than 9 months!! Plus I just wish people knew so they could have a tiny bit of sympathy for me. I do feel absolutely terrible and dead exhausted to boot.

As the Barely Domesticated Diva, I fully expect to have a completely undomesticated baby. So far it has lived up to such expectations and I lovingly refer to it as an alien wreaking havoc on my poor unassuming body. Along with the lovely morning sickness, I have been blessed by the pregnancy with CRAZY FUCKING HORMONES. Seriously. I am normally the nicest, most patient and pleasant person you are going to meet. However, this lovely little mass of rapidly growing cells has me in monster mode. It is like someone took the filter off. I am an angry, angry woman. I am also in the “I don’t care what you think, I am going to tell it like it is” phase. I even feel like I could be out to get you. But don’t worry. I am fairly good at curbing these terrifying desires to smash people’s faces in and run you off the road. So far so good.

Honesty is the best policy. Over the next few weeks, I plan on posting more. I can’t guarantee they are going to be the most pleasant and perky posts so if you do follow me (in which I am VERY grateful!!) please, I am warning you, follow at your own risk.

Hormonal pregnant lady out to eat the world here.

Much love,

C.

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