Today I had a realization. I realized that I don’t really give a shit. My brain goes a mile a minute and I was thinking about socks. Yes socks. I absolutely love socks. I love ski socks and absorbent athletic socks the most. In high school, novelty socks were all the rage. I remember one of my favorite pairs were a light blue pair with ducks skiing on them from Aeropostale (also one of the “to go” places to shop). Then I began thinking how ludicrous it was to even think about buying those and how much money I must have spent on shitty colorful socks. After feeling like a clown for a total of two seconds, I immediately realized it was ok. I liked them then. And it is ok I spent my money on stupid blue socks with skiing ducks on them because it made me happy at that point in time. A lot of embarrassing things bubble up from the past once in a while and I just have to laugh at it now. Not too long ago I would shudder and blush at my blunders but now I honestly don’t care. For instance, I am so embarrassed of some of my past dates. One in particular looked like a creature from the Labyrinth with Davie Bowie (and let me tell you it wasn’t David Bowie because if that were the case, said Bowie-look-alike Boyfriend and I would be married by now. I LOVE David Bowie). No, this guy looked like one of his little puppet creatures. And I dated him. Granted, he did have an English accent, but in all honesty that is ALL he had going for him. It must have been my Kryptonite. However, as embarrassing as it is, I have no idea what his name was! I can’t for the life of me remember who he was! Oops.
Things I said when I was younger, things I did when I was younger, nothing matters now. I sang songs with my little girlfriends with the dream of becoming a girl band (I am a horrific singer). I ran all the way home when a neighborhood kid told me my fly was down. I had terrible gold braces put on the day before starting high school. I went on AIM every night to chat with kids from school and even followed one up to a remote part of the school in hopes of a secret hookup. I kissed my friends boyfriend after slamming the door in her face at a party (I was intoxicated and they weren’t dating at the time yet, now they are engaged! Who knew?). At a party, I peed on the person’s neighbor’s front lawn. I was super bossy as a kid to my little friends. I told my teacher my dad hit me (spanking equaled hitting to me and I didn’t think it was a bad thing, just making conversation, which got a phone call home to my extremely embarrassed parents). I was walked in on at school in the 2nd grade while I was peeing. When I was little, a boy showed me his dingleberries and told me not to tell because I said “hell” and he’d tell on me. They called me “pancakes” in middle school (I was flat as a board… take a look at my C cups now ladies, pancake THAT). My mom wouldn’t let me shave my legs until I was 13 and of course got made fun of until then (by none other than my husband, by the way. Look who got the last laugh on that one). From fashion choices (what was up with that poodle purse??) to date choices (seriously, I can’t remember half the guy’s names now), I have had more than my share of embarrassing moments. And you know what, it is totally ok. I was a kid, I acted like a kid, I liked kid-things. I had terrible sense of “today’s” style and spent money on worthless teenage things. All ok because I wasn’t an adult then and I am now, so what?
These kinds of things used to embarrass me. They were the kinds of things I would have rather not remembered or even chided myself for whatever it was I did. But shit happens. There isn’t anything I can do about it now and it doesn’t matter in the least. If people want to remember the dumb things, let them. For me, I’m just going to laugh. Let it go. I did and it is so liberating. Don’t beat yourself up over the past, it is like beating a dead horse. That shit. Because shit happens.
Ok. I’m done.
Seriously, though… what was his name??