Dave and I celebrated our 2nd Anniversary this past month. The good news is we are both still alive and well, we haven’t killed each other yet, though not for lack of trying. Our relationship is as strong as ever and the mega-bumps and humps of the first couple years of marriage have smoothed down to something resembling cobblestone. We aren’t perfect-Well, I am, but I can’t say that collectively. People sometimes like to comment to us on our relationship. My favorite comments include “Dave! What a beautiful wife you have!” and “Wow, how did a guy like you get such a prize??” but we do get some comments laced with jealousy. At first, these used to bother me and cast even the slightest shadow of doubt into my mind, but now I have the confidence to smile and know just how solid we are together.
How do we do it?
We barely fight. That doesn’t mean we don’t fight, because we do. But in reality, we really respect each other and know in the back of our minds that we love the other person and they love us. Those things-those terrible terrible things-that the other person is so sensitive to (body image, self worth, intelligence, certain past mistakes), we don’t bring up in a fight. Those things that should never be said are never said and that makes a big difference. It shows that we respect each other even when the other person is being an ass. We also try to think of the other person. A lot of people fight because one person isn’t being considerate of the other. We generally try to think of the other person and how our actions could affect them. This doesn’t always happen on both sides of our relationship, but we try hard to and it works wonders. When we do end up in an argument, we try to use our words. I grew up with a household member who used his voice as a weapon-yelling an screaming. I vowed a long long time ago I wouldn’t yell and I certainly wouldn’t put up with it. We don’t yell but will try to talk it out, or at least give each other space. But really, we have a pretty mellow relationship and it is nice not to be fighting all the time.
We have fun. We are always picking on each other and teasing each other. We have really gotten to know each other and I always get a kick out of him when he reacts to my next move before it happens, just like when I cover my butt so he can’t smack it. I recently had him look at something during dinner one night. He looked at what I was explaining and then burst out laughing. I was confused until he told me that he instinctively covered his food so I wouldn’t steal whatever it was he was eating. That wasn’t my intention, but I guess he is onto me. He is onto my many tricks and that is what makes it fun. We are always playing little games on each other and trying to outsmart one another. We will tickle each other or poke or prod or annoy each other. Sometimes we will play and that is my favorite. When we just start doing silly things and go with it. One night we ended up making a game chucking dog toys at each other and pretending to be goalies… It was so random and unexpected, we had a blast.
We are thoughtful. I leave notes for him and he will sometimes leave me notes. He will get me a glass of water if he thinks I would like one and will go out in the morning and get coffee before I am even awake. I will bring home different food he likes as a treat and will make sure to bring an extra jacket for him when he says he doesn’t need one. When I travel for work, I will write a few notes and date them and hide them around the house, sometimes with a treat. I will email him or talk to him and let him know where I hid it. He likes to do things around the house and yard while I am gone (taking down trees, tiling the floors, leveling the backyard) and surprise me when I come home. This may read to you to be sickly sweet, but it isn’t in reality-just nice.
We worked hard. We still work hard. Being in a relationship is not easy… at all. There is always someone else to think of now, not just yourself. Your actions affect not only you but your partner or spouse. You can’t just go gallivanting around like you used to or eat all the leftovers or keep the toilet seat up (this isn’t a huge pet peeve but I did fall in and I was not impressed). It sounds restrictive but it isn’t and it isn’t hard to do. Dave has learned a lot about finances, keeping house, and not keeping everything inside (communication is key) and I
have learned am learning to relax a little, that it is ok not to have complete control over everything, and that Dave’s cooking is pretty damn good. It isn’t a cake walk and hasn’t been but it has been so rewarding and wonderful.
So. To those who think we are just adorable together, *gag*, Thank You. To those who have told us all about the “honeymoon period” and to just wait until that ends… when is it supposed to end because we are pretty much as happy as pigs in shit and from our eyes, it can only get better from here.
Dave, I love you- and I thought I loved you then 😉