TOMS and the “Movement” and my own Tootsies

ImageBuy a pair of TOMS shoes and give some poor kid a pair of shoes! Sweet! Great idea! I love it!

That is not why I bought them.

My girlfriend has two or more pairs and wanted to buy another so I went to the store with her. I didn’t know what the whole hubbub was about with them. They are ugly little things if you ask me. I saw a pair of lacy ones and I was like hmm… those aren’t so bad. Then my friend convinced me to try them on. “Hmm, I suppose this is why they are so popular” my inner-voice remarked as I walked around the store. Ok, I’ll get these.

With a price tag of over $50, I can only see the reason that they are comfortable be the deciding factor to their success. It can’t be their whole buy one give one deal because really, do people care that much if kids get shoes halfway around the world? Really-when they are buying a ton of other products that probably are undoing their “good deed” as we speak? Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a wonderful idea and I like to be just as socially conscious as the next person. I do give to charity and volunteer my time as well. But are people just jumping on the band wagon? Who knows.

I bought these puppies because I liked them, they were comfortable, I might be able to get away with the particular lacy ones at work. I didn’t buy them to be a cool kid (I didn’t even know they were popular-I mean-they are ugly!) and I didn’t buy them to help some kid wear shoes. I know, I’m an asshole. But it is the truth.

My take on this whole thing? Why on earth would I spend some good cake for shoes that make you STINK. Seriously, I can wear work shoes, sneakers, hooker heels, and old boots all day long and come out smelling like roses. These things? Wear them for half an hour to go to the store, come home, stink up house. Awful. Actually, I didn’t know this was a problem until quite recently.

I take pride in myself with my non-smelly feet. I wanted to see if I could wash my shoes (they look dingy now from use) and I came upon a ton of people saying how much they stink. Hmm. Dumb bastards-they have stinky feet-HA! Not me. I even bent down and smelled both my feet and the shoes and had no smell.

Oh no,  Oh YES me! I didn’t think I had that problem. I do! I came back from the store to my hotel room and took my shoes off. Oh. My. God. I am a foot stinker! I am just like everyone else! Oh no!!! I try to be all economically aware and socially conscious and what do I get? Stinky feet. Yes, you read that right, I am changing my tune. Now I am a martyr for some little kid in Columbia (actually, I have no idea if they send shoes there) so he can walk to school and not get glass all stuck between his toes from the crazy drug lords’ night of binge drinking and what do I get? Smelly ass feet.


If you’re thinking about getting these to help kids, do everyone else a favor. Go donate to a shelter, GoodWill, hell-go to Walmart buy like 6 pairs (you could probably get that many pairs for the price of one pair of TOMS) and donate them to kids who need them, send money to those funds that feed kids and educate them (probably more important than shoes anyway). But for the love of God-DO NOT BUY A PAIR OF THESE SHOES! Or at least buy that powder to fix smelly shoes in the “extra strength” version. You’re going to need it.



I ate a Hamburger in Hamburg

Yes, I did. And it wasn’t all that amazing. This is probably because I had it on a salad with “American” dressing. No, I didn’t actually want AMERICAN dressing but I was so intrigued that such a thing existed and as I am American myself and have never heard of it, had to try. Well, it is as if you went to BK, ordered a Whopper, took off the bread and burger, and ate the toppings instead. That is about it. And the burger was dry and meh. That is probably just the place I ate at.

It is nearing dinner time now, for me at least. Being 6 hours behind really screws up your eating schedule. It is only about 2PM right now back home and 8PM here and I really need to go eat something before everything closes. This means I am eating dinner at 2. Ugh. I love this place dearly, I just wish we were in the same time zone!

Hamburg is great so far. I’ve only been here for about a day, but it is a really nice city. It is clean, pretty, and the people are all these tall model looking people. Of course I don’t speak the language so I have no idea if they are nice or just assholes I can’t understand, but ignorance is bliss I suppose. Also, there is a really great park RIGHT next to the hotel I’m at. The Planten un Blomen totally doesn’t belong in a city. It is a gorgeous oasis of plants and some animals and is quiet. They also have put a ton of chairs and benches around the place for you to relax in. This city actually is really quiet too. Noise quiet, not people quiet. There is a lot to see and do and walk around but the noise isn’t overwhelming like in some cities.

Tomorrow I will make a plan on the rest of my two weeks here and what I am going to see and do and how bad of a tourist I will need to act like. I heard there was a zoo with Giraffe and I will HAVE to go if this is true. Lastly, the weather is beautiful. I saw online before I left that it was supposed to be rainy and 60 this whole time. While it is probably close to 65 and I did wake up to a city cloaked in misty fog, it has since burned off and is now beautiful. The only thing I can say is that I wish my family and friends were here to enjoy this with me! It is too lovely to be here without them!

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Oh, Baby, Baby!

The hubby and I have been married for almost two years. Apparently, at the 1.5 year mark, people have it in their heads that they need to ask “So, when are you going to have babies?” Holy cow. *eye roll* None of ya business, that’s when!

So it has been becoming extremely apparent that this is an issue to people. My sex life and biological clock have suddenly become public. Perhaps it is a nice gesture, maybe showing that they are excited for me to spawn miniatures for them to play with. Maybe they are just curious and like to know everyone’s business. Whatever it is, it is happening on a weekly basis.

I was brought up to respond to any question with grace so rather than punch them in their own baby maker when asked, I politely smile with a knowing look on my face and say “Oh, we would like them, but maybe in the future.” Sometimes I rub my belly to really throw them off.

Sometimes I get the blank stare like “What is this future thing you speak of?”  which sometimes shuts them up. Once in a while I get the “Well, what are you waiting for?” I have even been asked if I was trying and how… Um, well, I don’t want to be the person to give you the birds and the bees talk to I am going to just pretend I didn’t hear you…

Listen, people, I am only 25 years old! I don’t want to have a baby right this second because I just don’t! No real explanation. I just don’t want to be tied down to a little bundle of joy and spend the next 20 some-odd years cleaning up after the damn thing. Ok? OK!?! I want to be selfish right now and buy what I want, and eat what I want and pee when I want and come home at whatever time I feel fit. I don’t want the extra responsibility. I don’t want to have to put that constant drain on my bank account. I don’t want a baby RIGHT THIS SECOND!!

Don’t get me wrong, I want kids and I just love children. But I don’t want one right now.

Pretty soon I am going to resort to insanely inappropriate answers like “Oh! Yeah, soon-I heard they make good eatin’!” or maybe even “I have been approached by the government to harvest all of me eggs for a top secret experiment in which I currently have 13 surrogate mothers carrying my babies for me.”

Come on, people! We know you’re all curious-but keep it to yourself! Gossip to someone who knows baby Mama if you have to. Get the DL from her sister or her friend if you must quench that thirst. But for God’s sake. Don’t ask again!

It makes me wonder how awful it must be for couples who can’t conceive? I should be able to have children, but I can’t imagine the pain that the inquisition must cause. I will make it a point to never ask any woman when she and her significant other are going to pop out a kid.

Honestly, besides the good-natured people and the benevolent intent, what causes this invasive and (to me) slightly inappropriate curiosity of people?

Signed, No Babies Here, C.